He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
