Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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