I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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