I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
