i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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