your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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