Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
