Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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