her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
