I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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