just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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