My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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