pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
