i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
