im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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