I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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