it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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