i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my poor anus
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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