Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize