just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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