just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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