you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
