A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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