I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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