yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
