So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
