you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
