Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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