dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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