Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
