I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
