my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
