i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
