Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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