he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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