I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
