He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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