Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want to fling myself into the sun
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