Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
