I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
