thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
