i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
