You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
