I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
