He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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