Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
