Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
