bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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