his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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