I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
