i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pants are for mortals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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