I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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