The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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