I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
