I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
