My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
