a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
