do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
