I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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