lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
