It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
