i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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